Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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