I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
