The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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