Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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