He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
