You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
