So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
