Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
