Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize