Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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