why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
