i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
