WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
