My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
