Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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