Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
