so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
