I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
