I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
