he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want a musical about memes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
