I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
