We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
