So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
being pregnant is like rehab
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
