This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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