I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
