I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
