So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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