He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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