so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
