wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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