Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
