he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
