I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I only lived at night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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