Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
PS: I just woke up from my shower
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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