I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
