Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
