Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
