she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
