I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
