It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize