Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
