Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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