I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
