I puked a lego.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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