My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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