i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize