Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
