So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
