this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize