Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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