Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
