apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize