Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
