This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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