Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
