We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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