guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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