Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
