he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
