Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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