Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
