Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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