New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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