He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
