i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
