I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
